


Decisions and Firsts

by Enzuri



Series: After the Finish Line [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-16 03:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enzuri/pseuds/Enzuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas and you can't decide what's worse, being a mutant blood troll or a pathetic human.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You were so ready for the fucking game to just end and be done with it because shit, you lost everything and everyone you ever cared about basically. So when you ended it you were ready to jump for fucking joy off the handle until you realized that everything seemed off. Not even just a little off. It turns out being a human wiggler is dumbest thing in the world because you don't know shit and you can't do shit and you're more dependant on your weird human lusii than you ever were as a troll and this part of your life can't be over fast enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decisions and Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> This is turning out to be more... epic than I planned for it to be?

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you can't decide what's worse, being a mutant blood troll or a pathetic human.

 

You were so ready for the fucking game to just end and be done with it because shit, you lost everything and everyone you ever cared about basically. So when you ended it you were ready to jump for fucking joy off the handle until you realized that everything seemed off. Not even just a little off. It turns out being a human wiggler is dumbest thing in the world because you don't know shit and you can't do shit and you're more dependant on your weird human lusii than you ever were as a troll and this part of your life can't be over fast enough.

 

Somehow you aren't surprised when you find yourself staring at Gamzee across from the room in that stupid place called preschool or kindergarten or whatever. You don't really remember because you spent so much of your time trying to figure out if there was a way out of whatever horrible reset that had caused this. The only thing you had learned by then, talking about being a troll got you in so much trouble. So you learned to curb your language and keep your mouth shut. Its a good thing you spent all that time on Alternia learning to keep secrets. Gamzee hasn't figured that out though so you have to remind him. Constantly.

 

In high school you find yourself with even more of your friends, in person and online. Terezi is in some city more than a few states over and has some weird ass thing called synaesthesia which means she can still taste colours or something fucked up like that and uses it as an excuse to lick her screen still. You type in grey text again just to piss her off. She's got her own gang of you and tells you what you were starting to suspect after finding Sollux and Tavros, that not everyone remembers things the way you do. 

 

Well that's probably a good thing since so many of you guys did stupid shit. 

 

Kanaya remembers and won't talk to Gamzee though. When Gamzee starts spending all his time with Tavros you and her end up closer than you ever where before. Almost moirails if humans had a term for it. Then Eridan transfers into the school and its just a cluster fuck of things because Feferi comes with him and Sollux decides that his inability to tell memories and dreams apart is a good enough reason to harass the once sea dwelling prince all while seeing Feferi on the side. You wonder were Nepeta ended up. She would probably be having a field day with all of this romantic mess. You almost want to keep track of it yourself but you fill your time with RomComs instead.

 

You end up going to the same college as Sollux, you tell him its because you want to get into the tech stuff, even though you still suck as much as you did as a troll, but really its because he's still got really bad days when he looks like he would cull everyone if he still had access to his powers. Thank goodness for small miracles on that front. The only miracle you'll admit to Gamzee who still thinks the whole fucking world is full of magic or some shit like that. 

 

You realize that living with him have been a huge mistake on your part after you throw that little party. You'd found Nepeta and Equius, plus Terezi had the rest of the gang together on her side and you thought on get together wouldn't do any harm but Sollux drags Eridan into his room and you can hear them All. Fucking. Night. Maybe it shouldn't bother you so much but you still remember that pact the two of you agreed on way back before the truth of the game had come out and ruined everything and you would be lying if you said that you hadn't had it on your mind lately. The seadouche mellowed out some as a human, you mean, he's still whiny as all fuck but its more endearing now than before and it turns out pity can still make your heart flop in the dumbest way.

 

You plug your ears and try not to think about it.

 

Reading week rolls around and Sollux is going home because his parents or whatever they're called want to have his regular doctor do a check up to see if he's still bat shit crazy, which he is but its more in control than before at least, and you decide its a good idea to have someone over so that you're not by yourself the whole time. Eridan is the only one who's not busy. You almost tell him not to bother, you think he's been asking Sollux about the dreams because the guy has been asking you a lot more about Alternia than he did before. Except you really don't want to be alone, when you're alone you just relive all the mistakes you made  that lost you everyone and its just not a place you want to be in.

 

His company turns out to be nearly as bad because he brings up the pact that you've been trying to forget and you figure he must have dreamed about it or something but fuck, you tell him to back off and stop asking about it. You're too embarrassed to tell him what it was for any. Seems stupid as all shit now that you aren't one of twelve of your species left alive. You're probably to hard on him though because he gets really quiet and pulls back in the most unEridan like manner you've ever seen.

You can hear him in Sollux's empty room crying himself to sleep. Probably trying to be quiet about it. He's not quiet enough every hitched breath is another stab to your heart. You're the biggest fucking asshole of them all.

 

To make you feel like more of a little shit Eridan apologizes after he leaves for home the next day. He did nothing except ask you about a memory that he thought was a dream and you bit his head off for it. Way to go past you, you'd almost forgotten why you hate yourself so much until you went and fucked up with Eridan. Present you is a huge douchecanoe too because you don't text him back right away. Here's hoping future you grows a pair and actually does it.

 

You try to forget about all of that by delving yourself into a project you've been putting off. If you and the rest of your troll friends came back as little human wigglers, wouldn't John and his crew have done the same? You search every board for shitty films, every ironic rap blog, anything you can think of. You even make some sites that reference Alternia just to see if anyone pipes up. After all if your theory about those who lived having memories then the human kids should all remember. You get nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. 

 

Shit, what if they ended up as trolls? Their squishy human memories would make them into the worst trolls in the history of existence. They wouldn't even make it out of the trials probably. That thought makes you sick.

 

A month or two later and its the long winter holiday. You read on Facebook that Eridan is still not allowed back home and is going to be spending the next two weeks by himself. You really shouldn't do what you're planning to do. The bus takes way too fucking long and your bag is heavy and you're actually really surprised to see how much of a dump Eridan't neighbourhood is. Student budgets were clearly not kind to him.

 

He sounds like doesn't believe its you when you buzz up. When your get off the elevator his apartment door is wide open and he's looking at you like you're the best present in the whole universe. You don't know if that makes you feel better or worse. Probably better as he's ushering you in and fluttering about you like he thinks you're going to vanish into thin air. His eyes light up even more, you didn't know that was even possible, when you set down your apology gift. The entire Harry Potter movie collection. He probably already has it but he stares at it like its the holy grail or some shit.

 

He doesn't ask you why you're there and you don't know what to tell him. When you'd gotten his address from Sollux the hacker had laughed and asked if that meant you were going after a quadrant. Not that the asshole hacker even knew what that meant most of the time. When you mumbled a maybe he just replied with a good and said he was more than willing to share the hipster douchebag because gag him with a spoon that would make the guy back the fuck off a little. You're not sure how you feel about that still, after all neither of them remember being trolls that way.

 

You get through the first movie and about halfway through the second when you tell him that the pact just didn't apply anymore. 

 

"W-why not?" Fuck his voice still wavers like it did then and it makes your stupid human heart squeeze.

 

"Because we aren't looking to repopulate an entire fucking species anymore that's why."

 

"Oh, so it w-was just a thing a convvince for you then?" You don't miss that he says just you. Like he knows it was something more on his side.

 

"Look it doesn't fucking matter because Alternia is gone. Trolls are gone. Everything is gone and you're with Sollux or whatever and you don't actually pity me shitstain."

 

"Sol and I aren't a proper thing Kar. And maybe I don't pity you but I do lovve you and I havve since high school. I'm not askin' for much, just givve me a chance maybe?" 

 

You sigh and his expression drops. He's probably going to kick you out or something, for not saying anything. You have to take a deep breath, he's probably expecting an explanation, instead you just reach out and grab his face and shove your lips against him. Its hard not to think about how this is your first kiss ever and how you're fucking it up you're pretty sure. At least he doesn't pull away. In fact he does more than just pull away, his hands wrap around your waist and he brings you closer gingerly and wow, why did you think it was a good idea to turn him down before?

 

The movie ends but neither of you move to change to the next one, curled up against one another planting soft kisses on cheeks and chins and lips. You don't take it any farther than that but do climb under the covers with him at the end of the day. He's only got the one room and you made some excuse about how his couch was uncomfortable. He invites you to stay for as long as you want and as you drift off to sleep you're pretty sure that's forever.

 

The next morning wakes you with a quiet buzz of your phone, an email. Its short and the email address is made up of characters your phone can't handle.

 

It reads:

Yo. Karkles. Long time no see. <3<

 

Fuck, you found them.


End file.
